moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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