So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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