i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
