i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
