I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
