I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
