if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
