i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
