i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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