Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
