THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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