i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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