Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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