not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Drunk is not a location!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
