How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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