His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
