Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
