So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
