Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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