think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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