Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
