zippers are such a cool invention
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
