My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
