I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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