I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
