I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
