and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
