I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
