Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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