false alarm. still invincible.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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