yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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