So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
