not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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