i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
