I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
