the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
