i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
