I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
