Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
