Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
