chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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