If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
