She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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