Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
