I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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