We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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