Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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