dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He? As in you personified your dick?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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