I molested 6 butterflies tonight
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
