too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
