WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
