I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
