I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
